Cheryl’s Corners

In these last few days before Christmas, one can hardly imagine the flurry of activity taking place up at the North Pole. The elf assembly line is putting together toys at a frantic pace. Santa is exercising his reindeer, looking up addresses, repairing the sleigh, checking his list—once, twice, three times—and thinking that little Michael, in Cleveland, Ohio, would probably prefer a bicycle to a rocket launcher, no matter what he says.

Just across the frozen tundra from the workshop, Mrs. Claus is just as busy preparing for the holidays at home. After all, there are parties for elves that have be organized, gifts (of the non-toy variety) that must be purchased for all their employees and adult friends , house full of out-of-town guests who will all be arriving right around Christmas Day and the food to feed them, which, I don’t mind telling you, is both expensive and inconvenient (the nearest Costco is a long way from the North Pole). Mrs. Claus understands how busy her husband is this time of year, but it would be great if he would take five minutes to straighten the Christmas tree and fix the toilet in the guest bathroom. The real truth is: Mrs. Claus would like to spend Christmas somewhere warm, on a beach, with a Pina Colada in one hand and a book about seductive swashbucklers in the other. But whenever she brings this up, her family just gapes at her, horrified, as if she’d just slain the spirit of Christmas or asserted that there is no such thing as Santa Claus.

And for years she soldiered on in silence, wondering how it was that on the one day of the year when every child in the world loved her husband most of all, she couldn’t help feeling a little frustrated with him.

Finally, a few years ago, Mrs. Claus sat down with her husband a couple weeks before the holiday and announced that she wanted a say a few things in one of their rare moments alone.

“I appreciate how important this holiday is to you,” she said. “I understand thepart of it that you share with the rest of the world is critically important. Now more than ever.”

He nodded and she slid closer to him.

“But here’s the thing,” she continued. “Every year the holiday season seems to take more and more out of me. I work really hard for the months leading up to Christmas making sure all the gifts are bought and the food is prepared and the family can all get home and have a nice place to say. And I do it all with a smile, because I want to make the people I love happy. But just once I’d like to have a little time—just a few hours even—to spend with my husband. I want to relax and be romantic. I want a break from thinking about the how of the holidays so I can enjoy the why.”

Santa was surprised at the request, having spent many years not even considering that wife might not have enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the holiday season the way he did. And he considered that, despite all the letters and lists he’d received, his wife had never really asked for much of anything.

He swallowed and stroked his beard, thoughtfully. “You sure you don’t want a new toaster oven or a sweater or maybe some earrings.”

“I want some adult time,” she said. “I want to be with the man I love. I want to remember this holiday as being one full of romance. And if you and I can’t do it. What hope is there for everyone else?”

From that day forward, Santa and Mrs. Claus closed off their schedule for a few hours on the twenty-sixth. No one knew exactly where they went or what they did (although a few nosy elves reported seeing them snuggled up in front of the fire), but what was completely clear was that Mrs. Claus glowed until the New Year. And Santa, the next year and every year that followed, was a little more excited about getting home after delivering his presents.

1. Do not talk about the kids. A date with your husband is, first and foremost, adult time. Conversations about your son’s fender bender or your daughter’s creepy boyfriend or the need for better after school care should be tabled for another night. Barring calamitous circumstance, this night is not about you as mother and father, but as woman and man. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.

1. Leave the problems of the past in the past. Remember that time he forgot your birthday and then bought you a “Dustbuster” as a late birthday present? How about the time she embarrassed you at the Christmas Party by unintentionally insulting your boss? Great. I’m glad you both remember. Now, leave those memories with the baggage you left at home. Tonight is about forging a new beginning, don’t let it get tarnished with the troubles of the past.

1. Fall in love again for all the right reasons. If you’ve been married to your spouse for a while, he may be a different person now than the one you married. The one constant in life is change—no matter how slight.  People change over time and often so subtly that we don’t notice as it happens. Neither of you are kids anymore. Get to know each other as grown-ups.

1. Do not talk about money. This an absolute no-no. Nothing will sour a date faster than an argument about credit card bills. The health of the economy isn’t great right now. A lot of people are struggling to make ends meet.  But leave that at home. Try to enjoy your night out, at least just this once, without considering its cost.

1. Vary your date locations. You don’t always have to go to the same café or bar. Find new places and new activities you can enjoy together. Explore. Sometimes a simple change of scenery is all you really need.

1. Let your baggage go. He’s got problems. You’ve got problems. Maybe you’ve been working through some of them. Maybe you want to talk about that. That’s normal, just don’t do it on date night.

1. Be open to romance. Sometimes you have to let yourself be wooed, even if it feels hokey or silly. Accept the compliment graciously. Flirt back.  Dance even when no one else is on the dance floor. Be a fool for love.

Enjoy your date! Go for it!